I often look back at my teenage years and cringe at the things that used to happen. The way I used to act. And most importantly, the way I used to present myself. If only I had a guide and someone to tell me what I was doing and how much I would regret it.
Some of the things I would say are:
1. Yes school is boring. We have all established that. But how about actually listening in class and learning, rather than swapping notes with your mates and texting under the table.
2. You don’t have to keep changing the colour of your hair to ‘fit in’ this really will damage your hair in the future and make it harder for your hair to adapt to new colour or go back to your natural colour.
3. When your mum says be home at 9, she is not trying to ‘ruin your life’ she cares about you and doesn’t want you hanging about the streets. It’s not a nice place for a young girl to be.
4. When your older do you really want to be harassed by kids hanging outside shops in their school uniform begging you to go in and buy them fags or alcohol? I didn’t think so. Stop it. It doesn’t make you look cool in any way. Believe me.
5. You don’t have to drink ridiculous amounts of alcohol at a house party. Who are you trying to impress? You look silly and will end up spending the night with your head down the toilet, whilst your mum is frantic and worrying about where the hell you are.
6. Your teachers are humans as well you know. So stop laughing at their weight, or that mole they have. Nobody’s perfect. Your words and your ridicule can hurt them a lot more than they let on. You will go home and not even give them a second thought, or feel guilty for tormenting them, whilst you have just ruined their day. Nice one.
7. I can guarantee that you will never see the boys you meet after school, after you have left. So stop going out of your way to hang out with them and impress them. You will look desperate and clingy, so hang out with your real friends and stop ditching them for losers. They won’t be in your future.
8. Your ‘boyfriend’ who is three years older, is only with you because he can’t get any girls his own age. He is using you. Open your eyes, silly girl! Why else would he be interested in you, unless he has a fetish for school uniforms? Find someone your own age, and don’t change for anybody.
9. Your make up probably looks ridiculous. Take a baby wipe to that orange face and get scrubbing! You don’t need make up to look good.
Keep it simple. Don’t look like you’ve been attacked by Crayola or that your tan is a new shade of ‘Wotsit’. Jesus you look utterly hilarious. It’s okay to be pale, and not have 10 layers of fake tan or foundation on. Not everybody does it!
10. Easy on them eyebrows! Stop plucking them away for god sake! This time next year you will have to resort to taking an eyebrow pencil and drawing eyebrows on, because you got rid of what was there! Why on earth would you do that? Get rid of your natural eyebrows just to replace them with hideous, uneven, dark slugs across your forehead. You need a new mirror.
11. Are you not bored of trying to get blonde hair yet? You are naturally dark and have dark features. Blonde does NOT suit you! And how many times have you tried to get blonde hair and ended up with frazzled, dead, orange hair. Just give up!
12. Just enjoy being young. Study hard and hang out with friends. You shouldn’t be drinking at your age or smoking. It doesn’t make you look fun at all.
13. Enjoy your innocence whilst you can. Losing your virginity shouldn’t be a competition, and just because half the girls in your year have lost it, doesn’t make it right. They will most probably be the ones that end up with loads of kids at a young age, so don’t worry if you are called ‘frigid’.
14. When your friend updates their MSN Messenger status, with a list of all their girl mates, and your name is last, it’s really not the end of the world. Trust me. Don’t get angry and think ‘OMG she’s such a bitch! I’m going to delete her now’ it’s pathetic.
15. Eat rubbish foods whilst you can! Yes burgers, happy faces, pizza. It’s okay! When you are older you won’t have the privilege of fast metabolism, so enjoy it now!