We women are confusing creatures. We are not simple and can be annoyingly difficult.
It is hard for men to understand women an awful lot of the time, due to men not always being able to pick up hints that we think we are dropping. Sometimes we think that men should know what we are really thinking, even if that is the opposite to what we are saying.
For example if I say to my boyfriend ‘you can have that last slice of pizza’ what I really mean is – I really want that last slice, but I don’t want to seem greedy and I am trying to be nice, please say no and insist on me eating it. True story.
Sometimes it is easier for us to beat around the bush, rather than coming out and saying what we are actually thinking, as we worry about the reaction we will get and how we are portraying ourselves.
It’s silly isn’t it?
Here are some common things that we women say, and what we actually mean.
1. I’m not hungry at the moment.
I can’t think of what I fancy to eat, but if you start eating, I will want what your having and will soon join in and take your food, and don’t you dare moan about it.
2. I feel ugly today.
Please reassure me and tell me that I look nice, I just need some comfort and sympathy.
3. You’ve forgotten when my birthday is?
You better be joking, or start running as I am about to kick your ass.
4. It’s fine.
It is most certainly not okay. We need to talk about this for a long period of time until you have apologised for whatever it is you have done and give me a damn good reason.
5. I don’t know why other girls don’t like me much.
I am a bit of a bitch, okay I admit it. But I just want to seem nice and a good person so you don’t think bad of me.
6. I forgive you.
Nope. Any time I make a mistake which is not as bad as this, I will be bringing this up to throw back in your face. This is not forgotten. Oh hell no.
7. Do you think she’s pretty?
Even if she’s a goddamn supermodel, you better point out a flaw, and tell me she ‘isn’t your type’.
8. I’ll be ready in five minutes.
I just need to re-do my hair and make up, get my bag sorted, and look in the mirror another thousand times before I can leave the house, and then go running back in to make sure all appliances are turned off.
9. I’m not drinking tonight.
Well I can have one.. 5 drinks later and I’m toooo drunk.
10. I won’t tell anyone.
Well just my best friend of course, and anyone else who brings up a similar subject and I want to get involved. Oh and maybe my mum.
11. Being a girl sucks.
I am on my period, please make me feel comfortable, bring me chocolate and entertain me.
12. Do you think I’m too emotional?
Am I crazy? Please tell me? Am I insane? What do you think of me?
13. Am I over reacting?
I know I am, but please tell me your on my side and that you agree with me, so I don’t feel like I’m a lunatic.
14. I have nothing to wear.
My wardrobe is so full of clothes, I don’t know where to start. I need something new so I don’t have to dig through everything I own.
15. I woke up like this.
I spent ages getting ready. You must believe that this is my ‘natural’ look.
16. It’s up to you.
Careful. This is a test. In actual fact it is not up to you, and the next few words you utter, better be well thought out before answering. You must answer so it looks like it is your decision, but think very carefully about how she would answer, if it was her choice. You must answer as if it her that makes the decision, but the words need to come from your mouth. This will make you look caring and considerate, and also like you have the same interests.
17. I’ll just pop in, I won’t be a moment.
Cancel all your plans. If she’s not distracted by something then she will find a reason to drag the process out and end up spending half the day there.
18. Have fun tonight.
Don’t you dare even look at another girl, let alone talk to her. I will find out.
19. Leave me alone.
Just go away for two minutes and let me calm down. Then come back, give me cuddles and tell me everything is going to be okay.
20. We need to talk.
You better think of everything you could have possibly done wrong, forgotten birthday? Anniversary? Whatever it is, it’s about to kick off. Rack your brains and be ready to be apologetic.
And there you have our secret.
This is the art of decoding what we really mean.
Use it wisely!