I’m Just A Mouse

I’m just a quiet mouse, sitting in the corner.

Afraid to join in, scared to approach them,

I see them all laughing, and having a good time,

how I long to be a part of that, be like everybody else,

I wish I could join in, but the feeling is too much,

I cannot breathe, my heart is pounding,

what if they laugh? think that I’m strange?

They don’t want me with them, I am better off here,

away from it all, in my little corner,

I’ll stay as quiet as a mouse, thats the best thing to do.

Social anxiety sucks. Hearing people laugh near you, not speaking because you are afraid others will judge you, isolating yourself, always planning out a conversation you have to have before you have it, fear of making phone calls and answering them, eating in front of people, and making eye contact. It is all just part of a daily routine which seems like it will never go away. So many people suffer with social anxiety, me being one of them along with other issues. We are not selfish, we just never feel good enough. But you are not alone.

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21 thoughts on “I’m Just A Mouse”

  3. letslearnwithfun says:
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    I may not have social anxiety but whenever I have to give a presentation (as i know that i am being marked for it) my voice shakes and all my efforts go to waste (to me atleast). But in the past few I have scored well. I laugh at it and call my presentation a musical one.

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  4. Matthias says:
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    First I want to say that I appreciate your courage to express such feelings so openly. I understand social phobia and anxiety very well. I wish it was like others try to make it out to be, just something that can be gotten over by facing it. We face it every day. But it still remains. At times it is like a battle that has to be fought every time I walk out the door from home. It is something I was born with and have had since I was a child. Why does it exist? I don’t know. I just know that it is real and it does exist, no matter how others say it doesn’t exist.

    I don’t need to go into my story of my experiences because I’m sure you understand perfectly. I just want to thank you for standing up for mental illness, which is something that most governments and medical establishments seem to put in the back of the line of being recognized. Here in the states, the state I live in has cut funding for mental health so much that there really isn’t anyplace to go, except to a medical doctor.

    Thank you for being so bold to take action on the part of the mentally ill. You are an inspiration.

    As a side note, I grew up during the grunge age of the late 1980s and early 1990s. Grunge is seemingly the place for those who feel outcast because they have a hard time living the day to day life that so called “normal” people live. We thought of ourselves as screwed up people from screwed up families who found some sort of socializing and support from each other. It wasn’t always positive but it was better than nothing. The music helped us let out the energy that built up inside of us from feeling like outcasts. I was the same age as Kurt Cobain until he died. Though we listened to a lot of different music, he was like the spokesman of being an outcast. It was an crazy time.

    You are a beautiful person with a beautiful heart. Keep on saying it all Lauren.

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    • laurensaysitall says:
      Reply

      That brought a tear to my eye. It is true that people who dont suffer with it, make out we can just switch our feelings and worries off, and that we’re feeling this way on purpose. I dont ever remember feeling any different. If I look back, I think I have always felt the same, with that lack of confidence. It’s horrible to know that they keep cutting funds for mental health. In my previous post – ‘Rethink Campaign’ which I’m sure you have seen, I took part in a petition to stop the funding cuts.
      I was born in ’94 and was made to feel part of the ‘grunge’ and ’emo’ groups, because they had been stereo-typed to be depressives and loners. But I never found support. I just want to thank you deeply for taking the time to read my story, and finding in your heart the care to write such a lovely response to my words. Thank you. I hope our paths cross again.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Matthias says:

        Yes, I’m sure our paths will cross again. You have inspired me to write my own feelings on the subject for my blog. I have no idea how it will be received. I just needed to free myself from this dark secret within me, which has nearly destroyed me.

        Your words and expression inspired me to do this and more. The more is to continue to fight to live. In my comment, I may have used the word “support” from friends. I didn’t mean support for my social phobia, anxiety and depression. They merely gave me a sense of belonging. Grunge was a lifestyle of loners and depressives who gathered together as the “freaks” they were and that is about the extent of support. It was a strange movement.

        I’m happy that we have connected through our common feelings and I do hope we can continue to communicate in the future. Maybe find some support from each other. I don’t know. It’s just nice not to feel alone in my struggle to live. I may be much older than you but I never let that get in the way of learning from someone younger than I am. You gave me the courage to speak out on my blog and share my experiences with mental illness, as well as hoping to make more people aware of the silent, but very real and painful illness that plagues so many people.

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      • laurensaysitall says:

        I’m glad I have given you inspiration. My blog is very much based on random posts such as reviews and funny stories. But I have been dying to write a post about mental illness for an awful long time, I just never had the courage to do it.
        I to feel I needed to get it off my chest, and stand up for these issues. And hopefully make people aware.
        And I understand, I was also stero-typed into that sort of group, so I guess I sort of felt that I belonged too.
        I too am happy that we have both shared our thoughts. It has given me a comforting feeling, knowing that I am not alone. I hope to speak to you again soon, and continue to raise awareness for mental illnessess, and why they should stop being ignored.

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  5. Heartafire says:
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    Dear Lauren, I am deeply touch by your text. Social phobia is a painful and debilitating malady (illness, if you will) I lost my best friend earlier this year to addiction, he was a brilliant linguist but was unable to cope with personal connections or lack of , he turned to drugs and alcohol that eventually killed him. He was very successful until this inability to cope overwhelm him. There is help out there…it usually involves treatment with supervised meds, but self medicating took the life of a man who deserved so much better. Good luck to you and remember we can all relate, I think poets, writers , creative people use this gifts as a release, a therapy, that too is a great option.
    My best to you always!

    Liked by 1 person

    • laurensaysitall says:
      Reply

      I am sorry to hear that! We all deal with things in different ways, and sadly alcohol and drugs, is the only option some people see. There’s always something we can do to help ourselves, with me meds and therapy is slowly helping me to overcome it. And of course my creative side! It helps to clear my mind ☺️ thank you for your comment!

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